


In my eyes

by peachychia



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alex is kinda a dick, Blind Character, Disabled Character, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Bad At Titles, Jamilton Possibly, Jeffmads maybe, Love Confessions, Love Triangles, Multi, Polyamorous Character, Polyamory, Unrequited Love, james is a saint
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-01
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2019-06-19 10:01:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15507699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachychia/pseuds/peachychia
Summary: Thomas has been struggling his entire life. It all started in middle school, he couldn't quite see as well as he use to, it was something that he tried to adjust. He went to multiple doctors appointments, and optometrists only to find out he had rp, or retinitis pigmentosa. It was something he struggles with and tried to learn to accept, to accept his blindness.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is my first fan fiction and yeah, I don't have a beta and I'm pretty shit at writing so prepare for the cringe

_James looked over at Thomas and bit his lip. "You okay?" he asked softly._

_Thomas nodded and squeeze his hand tightly. "Yeah, I'm gonna miss seeing that smile though, and how flustered you get when you talk about things that embarrass you or excite you," he laughed._

_James snorted. "You're gonna be fine, now let's practice walking around the city," he said, handing Thomas his cane and helping him up as he leads him out the house._

It had been ten years since that moment and it was engraved in Thomas mind. He was grateful James had even stuck around. He was the only one who believed Thomas when he said his vision was going, the only one who stuck by him and helped him work through school as his sight deteriorate. 

He always remembers that moment, it was the last thing he remembered seeing almost clearly, it was cloudy haze but Thomas will always remember the smile that James had. He knew it was the only thing he could never forget.

Now when he looked at James all he saw was a dark grey blob, a halo of light surrounding him. It's caused Thomas to stick the nickname, "my guardian angel" to James, knowing it made him blush each time.

"Penny for your thoughts?" James asked as he looked at Thomas, leading him through the busy streets of New York. Thomas smiled and squeezed his arm gently. 

"I'll tell you when we get to the office," he said chuckling, knowing he would grow embarrassed in public if he spoke about their friendship. His grip tightened around his cane that he hardly ever used when James was leading him. 

Thomas could hear the smile on James' face. "Alright," he laughed and pulled him along. "You ready to deal with Hamilton?" he hummed. 

Thomas let out an audible groan. "Don't remind me," he huffed. "He gave me his debt plan to read James, to read," he said seriously. "Does he even know I'm blind?" he asked seriously. 

James shrugged. "I mean, to be fair, you don't look blind or act blind, you do carry a cane but you hardly even use it, it's an accessory at this point," he said honestly. Thomas rolled his eyes and felt his feet his a softer carpet, knowing they had made it to the rug to the front of the office. "Also it's not like you go around telling everyone you're blind, also you've been back for a month, it's not like he's going to notice right away," he added and dragged him into the elevator. 

Thomas sighed and nodded. "Okay, you may have a point," he admitted and used the braille under the buttons of the elevator to choose their floor. 

-

Alexander was impatiently waiting by Thomas' office. He was tapping his foot, arms crossed as he waited. He watched as Thomas strolled in with James, that cane that Alex despised in hand. 

Alex went over to the pair and looked up at Thomas. "Have you read my debt plan yet?" he asked seriously. He noticed Thomas looked slightly startled as he looked down towards Alexander. 

"No I haven't but I can tell you right now I know it's shit Hamilton," Thomas said seriously, squeezing James' arm so he can be lead back into his office. James attempted to move but Alexander stopped them. 

"What the fuck do you mean you didn't read it?! You have two perfectly good eyes, fucking use them," Alexander hissed. 

Thomas couldn't help but laugh as he leads himself with his cane into his office. 

Alexander glared at the door as Thomas closed it. "Who the fuck does he think he is, walking around with his thousand dollar cane," he said angrily as James pinched the bridge of his nose. 

James finally looked up to be met with the fiery anger burning inside of Alexander. "He's blind Hamilton," James said bitterly. 

Alex looked at him, taken aback by his statement. "What do you mean blind?" he asked seriously.

James looked at him utterly confused. "Blind Hamilton, he can't see anything, I mean he can see light but that's not the point," he said seriously. "But unless you gave him that debt plan in braille, he is never gonna read it," he said truthfully. 

Alex followed James as he walked to his office. "B-But! If he's completely blind how is he sending us an email? He's even responded to them?" he said shocked. 

James turned back to look at him. "Technology has come far Hamilton," he said seriously and walked into his office, leaving Alexander dumbfounded as he walked slowly back into his office, thinking of a way to apologize to Thomas.


	2. Chapter 2

Alexander paced in his office nervously, waiting until he knew Thomas was going to lunch. He walked out and followed James as he leads Thomas to the lobby. He grabbed Thomas' jacket, causing the taller man to flinch slightly. 

James sighed. "Alexander what are you doing?" he questioned seriously, looking down at the smaller man annoyed. 

Thomas nose scrunched up as he looked down at Alexander. Well looked at his silhouette. "You know that jacket is far too big for you," he said seriously, trying to make him leave so he can go to lunch with James. 

Alex looked at him stunned. "How does he know that if you're blind?" he asked confused. 

Thomas rolled his eyes and reached down, gently touching his shoulder. "I can basically see you're a silhouette, especially because you're being backlit because not all blind people are completely blind, its only one percent who can't see at all," he pointed out. "And the jacket sticks out, your natural shoulder would be here," he said moving his hand in and squeezing his shoulder. "Anyways, why have you decided to be a pest today?" he said seriously, putting his hand back on James' arm. 

Alex was silent for a moment. "To say sorry, I didn't know you were blind," he admitted as Thomas laughed.

"You really didn't know?" he asked seriously. Alex nodded meekly. 

"Yeah, I mean you use your phone, you're texting, sending emails, fuck I've heard people talk about the YouTube videos you send them so it's still kinda hard to believe," Alex admitted. Thomas' jaw tightened slightly and Alex decided to backtrack. "I'm not saying I don't believe you or anything," he said nervously. "It's just something I didn't expect," he added. 

"Not a lot of people do Hamilton, now do I have the pleasure to leave and go to lunch?" he asked, a small amount of sarcasm laced in his words. 

Alexander nodded and turned around quickly, not bothering to ask another thing. 

-

_Thomas sat up in the front of the class, embarrassed by the fact he needed to be seated so close to the board. The teacher, Ms. Dove had asked him to stay behind._

_"Thomas, are you okay?" she asked and sat near him, looking down at him with sympathetic eyes._

_"Of course I am, why wouldn't I be?" Thomas asked._

_She sighed and pulled out a few tests, setting them in front of Thomas. Thomas could see very hazy figures but if he looked close enough he could see the passing grade on one test and failing on the other. "This just doesn't happen Thomas, I mean, if you're looking for attention you can just ask, you don't have to pretend your blind or dumb Thomas!" Ms. Dove told Thomas._

_Thomas felt his jaw tighten. "Why would I ever fake this?" he asked bitterly. "Why would I want to go to the countless doctor's appointments to only be fucking told nothing can help, and to keep any remaining vision I have just to wear sunglasses," he scoffed and stood up, rushing out the room to find James outside._

_James took his hand. "Hey, I'm right here," he said softly and held his hand. He squeezed it gently, smiling softly._

_Thomas felt tears prick his eyes and hugged James tightly. "How come no one fucking believes me," he said softly. "No one believes that I can't see," he whispered._

_James sighed and caressed his cheek. "Hey, it's okay," he said softly. "I believe you, Thomas, your mom believes you," he pointed out. "And the doctors are doing tests to see what's wrong with you, you'll find a cure in no time," he said softly and kissed his cheek. He helped him put his sunglasses on. "Let's go to your house," he suggested._

_Thomas nodded reluctantly, wiping his tears away and holding onto James' arm as he leads himself out the school._

Thomas never found a cure. He always felt a bitterness when people mentioned it wasn't too late. He knew it was something far fetched. He hated the fact that people even assumed he wanted a cure. 

He's grown accustomed to being blind, he doesn't even know how he would cope if he could go back to seeing he so used to his daily routine but he wouldn't be honest if he said he wouldn't give up everything he had to see the ones he loves face again. 

After a decade of blindness he's forgotten what his siblings look like, his mother, even his beloved James. The last thing he remembers seeing was James' award-winning smile. A smile that would always melt his heart every time he saw it. He would kill to see that smile again. To see the way his best friend would smile and brighten his day, to see him laugh, to go ice skating with him again to see his clumsiness show as he tried to balance on the skates. To see that little pout that grew on James' face whenever Thomas would tease him but he knew it would never happen. Retinitis pigmentosa didn't have a cure, something he knows would never be found in his lifetime. 

James rubbed his back gently. "Thomas? I lost ya, we're you even listening?" he said chuckling. 

Thomas' heart was doing flips when he heard that chuckle. "Ha, Uh no, mind repeating yourself?" he asked and smiled at the smaller man. 

James laughed. "Usual, well you promised me on our walk here that you'd tell me what's on your mind, now's a better time than ever," he pointed out and let Thomas lead himself with his cane. 

Thomas felt his face get warmer. "We aren't in private Jemmy, I can hear the cars you know," he pointed out. 

James smiled. "Fine, when we get back to your office you're telling me," he pointed out. 

Thomas nodded. "Deal," he said simply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really don't know what the end relationship is gonna be if I'm completely honest


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost accidentally deleted this chapter but I saved it so that's all that matters

Thomas sat at his desk and hummed. "Do we have to do this every time?" he laughed. 

James nodded and smiled. "Well of course! It's a great party trick too," he pointed out and opened the food container, placing it in front of Thomas. 

Thomas rolled his eyes. He leaned down and smelled the food. "It's chicken," he said simply. 

James chuckled. "Thomas, I know you know more," he said softly and gently shoved him. 

Thomas smiled. "It's chicken and rice, not white rice you got that brown rice that tastes more like cardboard," he pointed out. "And it had asparagus, carrots, and broccoli," he hummed after smelling it once again. 

James kissed his cheek, making Thomas blush. "See you did great," he smiled. 

Thomas began to eat. "Took me ten years to learn how to do that," he laughed. 

Thomas felt for the chicken and all the other food on his plate to know exactly where it was at. He hummed as he wiped his hands and picked up the plastic knife and fork. He remembered when he was learning how to eat for the second time. Learning how not to make a mess of himself as he went out to restaurants. 

-

_Thomas frowned. "James, I don't want to even leave my house what makes you think I wanna have dinner out at some fancy restaurant?" he asked._

_James went behind him and rubbed his shoulders. "Because I know you want to, you shouldn't be embarrassed Thomas, you're blind, embrace it," he said softly and kissed his head._

_Thomas sighed and stood up. "Alright, help me get ready," he said softly and grabbed James arm. He could hear the smile on his face as James lead Thomas to his bedroom._

_*_

_James had finished getting Thomas ready and they were on their way into the restaurant._

_Thomas was fiddling with his fingers as he was being led by James. He felt the seat as they were being sat down and let out a breath he was holding in._

_The server set down one menu and James scowled slightly. He had called ahead and told them he was coming and asked for a braille menu. He sighed and picked up the menu._

_Thomas reached for his own menu and frown, knowing they only left one. He sighed and looked at James. "This is a bad idea," he said softly._

_James shook his head. "I know what you like Tommy, I'll just surprise you," he said softly, knowing Thomas didn't like it when James read the menu out loud._

_Thomas nodded and looked down at his hands, feeling a little bubble of anger grow in him._

_The server came back and smiled at James. "What can I get for you?" he asked and smiled._

__

_Thomas took a deep breath as James ordered. "James where are we?" he asked softly._

_"The guild house," James replied. Thomas smiled. He's been here before and knew what the last time. He felt a small sense of pride knowing he could order for himself._

_He heard James order and almost felt giddy as he waited for the server to finish writing. The server smiled. "Alright now what would your friend like?" he asked speaking to James._

_Thomas felt all pride he had in him jump out the window. He looked at the man confused. "I'm blind, not deaf," he said seriously. "I can order for myself," he said seriously, the anger for not getting a menu getting to him._

_James reached over and held his hand. "Hey hey, calm down," he said softly. "Just order," he said softly._

_Thomas looked down, frustrated with this whole situation. He couldn't even remember his order._

_James sighed and order for Thomas. He squeezed his hand gently knowing how upset he gets._

_"Alright thank you," the waiter says and mumbled something under their breath and Thomas heard them as clear as day._

_Thomas anger grew. "Did you fucking hear them," he hissed and looked towards James._

_James shook his head. "No, what'd he say?" he asked._

_Thomas bit the inside if his cheek. "He called me a fucking basket weaver," Thomas said seriously. "Let's just get the fuck out of here," he said seriously and stood up, grabbing his cane._

_James, usually calm and level-headed felt anger grow in him. He leads Thomas out, not even bothering to leave money for their troubles._

_*_

_Thomas sat across from James, take out in front of him. "I told you it wasn't worth it," he sighed and opened the container. He touched his food gently, figuring out where everything was. "A fucking basket weaver, that's such an old insult," he said laughing slightly as he whipped his hands._

_James sighed. "I don't know why he had to be rude," James mumbled and handed Thomas his utensils._

_Thomas nodded in agreement. He used his fork to try and pick up some rice but it ended up falling before making it to his mouth. He groaned and looked at James. "This is fucking hard," he sighed and put his fork down._

_James chuckled and picked up the fork. "You'll learn Thomas," he said softly and kissed his cheek, feeding him slowly._

_Thomas blushed at the gesture but was completely grateful to have James around._

-

"Earth to Thomas," James said tapping his shoulder. "Man what's up with you and spacing out today," he said chuckling. 

"It's been ten years," Thomas said softly and he felt James tense up. 

"Oh," James said softly. He rubbed Thomas' back. "But hey, I mean at least you've learned and embraced it," he smiled and held his hand. "It's nothing to be ashamed of," he said as Thomas nodded in agreement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, the term basket weaver is because it was a "blind trade" 
> 
> It was basically one of the only jobs blind people could work. 
> 
> Also, I'm thinking of making a story like this but with a deaf character but I just don't know much about deaf culture even though I have a few people in my family who are deaf 
> 
> I know more about blind culture because it is something that affects me personally as I have a higher chance of becoming blind


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alexander's adventure and complaining as he learns braille

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longest chapter by far, don't get used to this

Alex was in his office sighing. He had been looking up how to transfer his essays to braille to make sure Thomas can read them. It was difficult but he had figured out that theirs such a thing as a Perkins Brailler. It was like a typewriter but for braille so of course, Alex bought it.

-

The box was delivered to his home that week. He was giddy as he opened it. The brailler wasn't in the best of conditions but it was such an old piece of technology that Alex could hardly care as long as it wrote.

John looked up at the table. "What the hell is that?" he asked seriously.

"It's basically a typewriter for braille, it's fucking cool but now I have to learn braille," Alex sighed and leaned against John.

John snorted. "Wow man, why did you get it? Trying to sell books to the blind community now?" he questioned, tilting his head slightly in confusion.

Alex blushed. "No. Did you know Thomas Jefferson was blind?" he attempted to ask nonchalantly.

"Yeah, it's the reason he couldn't serve Lexi, also why he was in France, trying to save his eyesight," he hummed. "Why do you wanna know? You never ask about Thomas, only complain," he joked.

Alex groaned. "Did everyone know besides me? I mean, I only ask because I just found out this week, I mean I've worked with him for a month and I didn't even know the man was blind," he sighed as he pulled out his phone and began googling how to use his brailler. "Why is this set up like this," he groaned and began to type.

Alex pressed down the third key and smiled when it worked.

John looked over at the paper and raised an eyebrow. "That's a dot," he said unamused.

Alex rolled his eyes and continued to type, looking back at the key on his phone. "That's actually an a," he said simply and continue to write Thomas' letter.

John sighed. "Why not e-mail him the damn thing?" he asked curiously and watched as Alex slowly type everything out.

Alex stayed quiet for a few moments. "This is more personal," he lied because in all reality he never thought about e-mail.

John chuckled. "Really? You've never thought about that?" he challenged as he looked towards the smaller man.

Alex frowned. "Shut up John," he huffed and kept typing, slowly beginning to get the hang of typing in braille. He smiled proudly at his letter.

_"Dear Thomas,_  
I know I haven't been the most polite person you've met, hell I know I'm a dick, but I wanted to make it up to you  
I bought this Perkins Brailler and wanted to actually give you things you could read. I also thought it would be easier than using your phone or laptop because honestly, I still don't know how you use those blind.  
Anyways I really want to apologize for the ways I've most likely insulted you, I honestly did not know you were blind, to begin with.  
I want this to be a fresh start, I want to actually get to know you now because everything about this fascinates me, I want to know how you do this because of its a struggle.  
You probably think this is creepy, John is saying it is, he's telling me I should have e-mailed you instead.  
Also, side note, do you have one of these? Because it's fucking obnoxious how these keys are set up and there's only seven.  
Another thing is that braille, in general, is kinda repetitive for no good reason but I get it. You only have the cell to work with but it's annoying to add a fucking number sign when I want to type a number out. Like it just isn't aesthetically pleasing if I write it out normally you know?  
Anyways, I feel as though it's just more personal if I give you this letter and write my essays with this for you because even though I'm complaining braille is pretty fun to learn.  
Sincerely,  
Alexander." 

Alex knew this wasn't one of his best works, just something he quickly typed out. He knew it was unorganized but he felt as though it was true to his character. He looked towards John who was focusing in on his phone. "I'm fucking finished!" he cheered and pulled the paper out. "Also I had to buy special paper for this," he huffed. "It needed to be 68-pound paper," he said seriously and leaned on John. 

John laughed. "Really? I mean you wouldn't have to buy anything if you had just used your brain and emailed him the damn essay," he pointed out. 

Alex rolled his eyes. "This is more personal John! Let me have fun," he huffed and pouted slightly as he looked up at the taller man. 

John snorted. "When have you ever wanted to get personal with Thomas Jefferson of all people?" he asked seriously. "You constantly talk shit about the man I mean why are you now changing?" he asked, noticing the blush on Alexander's face. 

Alex shrugged. "Can't I just want a fresh start? Or just have a new outlook on these types of things?" he asked. "Or are you just gonna give me shit for it?" he asked. 

"I am most definitely gonna give you shit for it, I mean before he even came back from France you always had something to say about him, Alexander," he said seriously as he looked down at the shorter man. "Also I know you're bullshitting when you say you have a new outlook, you're probably just trying to get into his pants," he pointed out. 

Alex flushed and looked down. "I don't have any idea to what you're talking about John," he lied. 

"You get wordy when you lie Alex, I'm your closest friend, you can't lie to me," John pointed out, smirking slightly. 

Alex groaned. "Look, sure I think he's attractive, but I mean who doesn't?" he asked and looked towards John. "But all I'm trying to say is it's not swaying my opinions one way or another, I'm just trying to be nice for once," he sighed and looked towards John. 

John stayed silent for a few seconds, looking at Alex curiously. "So what I'm hearing is you're not trying to get some dick tonight?" he asked. 

Alex blushed and covered his face. "No! John are you serious?" he said flustered. 

John laughed. "I mean it's a good plan, sleep with him also he can't call your dick small if he can't see it," he pointed out. 

Alex frowned. "It's not small, its average length," he said seriously. 

John raised his eyebrow. "No need to stretch the truth, my dear Alexander," he hummed. 

Alex punched John in the arm. "You haven't seen my dick also he could still feel my dick you fucking genius," he said punching John a second time. 

John laughed and pushed him away. "I mean it's because you won't let me see it so I must assume its because its small," he hummed. 

Alex just rolled his eyes and decided to ignore John. 

-

Alex was back at the office. He had his letter in hand and nervously walked down to Thomas' office. He bit his lip gently and knocked on his door. He bounced on his heels as he wanted for any indication that Thomas was actually even in the room. 

After a few moments he heard shuffling and a smile grew on his face as he waited. He knew he shouldn't be too embarrassed since Thomas couldn't see his face getting redder by the second. 

Thomas opened the door and raised an eyebrow. "Hello?" he asked. Normally when people came by and knocked, they would say their names and it was strange when whoever was at his door didn't. 

Alex looked up at the taller man and blushed. "Uh, hey Thomas," he said using his first name. "Just wanted to stop by," he said hesitantly. 

Thomas sighed and nodded. "Come in," he said opening his door wide enough for Alexander to come into his office. 

Alex blushed heavily as he walked into the office. He looked around and sat in a chair across from Thomas' desk. 

Thomas lead himself back to his desk using his cane. "So? What brings you here Hamilton?" he asked annoyed. Mostly at the fact that James couldn't come in today so a took him a bit longer than normal to just get to work. 

Alex looked down at his lap. "Well I brought you something so you could read it!" he said sliding the paper towards Thomas. 

Thomas raised an eyebrow. "Alex, I'm blind how do you expect me to read this?" he asked seriously. 

Alex was slightly flustered but tried to fake his confidence. "It's in braille. I learned it," he said softly. 

Thomas looked at Alex, shocked that he even took time out of his day to learn something like that. He hesitantly placed his hand on the paper and began to read everything Alex typed. A small smile forming at the fact that someone learned braille for him. The only other person to do something like that for him was James.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Alex noticed the smile on his face and felt a little bubble of happiness form. He smiled as well and watched as his fingers glided across the paper. 

Thomas looked up at Alex, smile still plastered onto his face. "You're something else, Alexander," he said chuckling. "But honestly you could have emailed me the essay," he said truthfully. "But I'm grateful you learned braille," he said honestly. 

Alex smiled. "Well I thought this would be better, more personal," he admitted. 

Thomas nodded before his phone vibrated. He picked it up and scrolled through the dark screen until he got to his messages. He opened it and all Alex heard was very quick talking from an automated voice. 

Alex looked at Thomas confused. "What the fuck?" he asked. 

Thomas chuckled. "Its how I'm able to get texts, the more you use it the easier it is to be able to listen to the quickness," he admitted. "Its how I'm able to know what you're saying when you give a shitty argument," he hummed. 

Alex laughed. "I mean that's actually pretty cool, I thought you carried around your fancy phone to look like an ass," he admitted. 

Thomas chuckled. "That's what most people tend to think sadly, I mean I'm not that bad its just apple is the only company that I know of that has features like this so I gotta shell out my money so I can communicate with people," he sighed. 

Alex gave him a sad smile. "I honestly don't think I'd be in my position if I did have any disability, I've never had any kind of resources to make my life easier you know," he said softly. 

Thomas nodded. "Yeah having money sure helped, my mom, was adamant on trying to find a cure for me, the only thing the doctors told me was to wear sunglasses so my vision loss would slow down," he said rolling his eyes 

Alex sighed. "Did it help even in the slightest?" he asked. 

Thomas shook his head. "I was still losing my vision, and if I'm completely honest, I don't even remember what I look like," he said softly. "That's kinda crazy, right? James still tells me that I have my mom's eyes and hair but the rest of my face looks like my dad, that would be helpful except for the fact that I can't even remember what they look like," he admitted. "I can only remember little details," he said softly. 

Alex was so fascinated by Thomas left. He felt himself sitting on the edge of his seat, listening to Thomas speak. It was something he's never heard of or had to deal with. "What do you remember?" he asked, gently biting his lip. 

Thomas sighed and leaned back in his chair. "James' smile, that's like the one thing I feel like I can see to this day," he said softly. "My mom's hair was another, it was always up but when she let it down it was like a mane and it couldn't be controlled," he said with a small smile on his face. 

Alex smiled. He watched Thomas as he remembered. "What else do you do to remember?" he asked. 

Thomas shook his head. "That's pretty much it, I don't remember seeing my siblings all that much with all the doctor's visits, I only had James and my mom," he said softly. "And when I dream I feel like I can see them, what they all look like but it goes away as soon as I wake up," he admitted. "But it's not in color, it never is, I don't remember what any color looks like besides black, grey and white," he sighed. "Because that's all I get to see now, but you wouldn't understand," he said softly. 

Alex looked at him and reached over, gently holding his hand. "I don't understand, but I can understand your struggle," he said with a sad smile. "I lost my mother when I was young, I...I can't remember what she looks like, I just remember her voice, it was always calming," he said softly. "But I know what you mean when you say you can see her in your dreams, I see my mother, how my life could have been if I didn't lose her," he sighed. 

Thomas reached up and gently caressed his cheek. "Tell me if this is too much," he whispered and let his fingers trail across his face gently. 

Alex's breath hitched. He just watched Thomas' emotionless eyes. "What are you doing?" he asked as a few seconds pass. 

Thomas gave him a small smile. "When my younger siblings grew up I had no idea what they looked like, they would let me touch their face and I could roughly figure it out," he said as Thomas' hand dragged across his jawline. 

Alex felt a blush creep up onto his cheeks as he nodded, allowing Thomas to continue. He felt himself move closer to Thomas. 

Thomas pulled his hands away and Alex never wanted them to leave. "So what do you think?" he asked 

Thomas chuckled. "From what I can tell you're a pretty good looking guy," he said softly. 

Alex felt his heart beating out of his chest. He hadn't felt emotion like this since the first night he met John Laurens. He almost couldn't contain himself. He took a deep breath and looked up at the blind man. "Tell me if this is too much," he said before leaning in and kissing him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, thought I should leave it at a cliffhanger


	6. Chapter 6

Thomas' eyes widened as Alex kissed him. He never pushed him off, frozen in shock.

Alex pulled away after a few seconds, realizing his mistake. "I-I gotta go," he said quickly, standing up and rushing out the door, leaving Thomas alone in his office.

"What the fuck," Thomas mumbled to himself and bit his lip. He stood up and grabbed his cane, trying to follow and find Alex. 

Alex ran into his office quickly. He took deep breaths as he felt his lips still tingling from the kiss. "Why the fuck would I do that," he mumbled to himself and closed his eyes tightly. "I'm such a fucking idiot," he sighed and went to his desk. "I don't even like him, he's an annoying asshole," he mumbled to himself. He sighed and rubbed his face. His lips felt on fire as he thought about Thomas. 

Thomas stumbled down the hallway as he tried to rush in the direction he thought Alex went towards. He accidentally bumped into someone and mumbled a sorry as he tried to go to Alex's office which he found extremely difficult without James leading him through the large building. He assumed he had made it to the door and pounded onto the door. "Alex!" He called out. "Open the door!" He yelled feeling a blush grow on his cheeks as he heard nothing but silence. He flooded with embarrassment, assuming he was at the wrong door entirely. He closed his eyes and sighed. He turned around in the direction he came from and began the walk of shame back to his office. 

Alex heard the pounding but didn't open the door. He didn't want to face Thomas at all. He wanted to forget about him, about the softness of his lips, how his eyes still follow even though now he knows he can't be seen. He feels like he couldn't be good enough for the older man. He couldn't help him in the ways James did. 

He snapped himself out if his thoughts. "You don't fucking like him, you never did," he growled to himself as he pulled at his hair. "He's a fucking prick," he said to himself and took a few deep breathes as he tried to calm himself down. 

-

A week has passed since the kiss ever took place. Alex tried his best to avoid Thomas at all costs. He wanted to use his blindness as an advantage to be able to completely disappear from Thomas' life the best he could. 

Thomas, on the other hand, felt helpless. He felt like a failure for trying to look for Alexander. He was desperate to talk to him but every time he felt as though he was close to Alex was never around. 

Thomas took a deep breath. He looked towards James. "Help me talk to Alex please," he begged and gave him a look of desperation. 

James sighed. "Thomas, I think you should move past this, I mean he's clearly avoiding you, I don't think he will be willing to even be in the same room as you," he explained. 

"Don't you realize I'm trying to move on?" Thomas says as his voice cracked slightly. "He's fucking controlling me, James I've never felt this way before and I fucking hate it, he's using my blindness as a weakness so he can act like it never fucking happened but I know it did James," he said seriously before giving a broken sob. "This is exactly what would happen before," he said and wiped his eyes, trying to act as if he wasn't crying. 

James sighed and hugged him tightly. "I know Tommy, I know," he said softly and pet his hair gently. "I have an idea," he said softly and began to explain to Thomas. 

-

"You want me to what?" Alex asked confused as he looked up at James. 

James pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. "Thomas invited you to dinner at his estate, he wants to speak about your debt plan, he finally got the chance to read it," he explained. 

Alex rolled his eyes. "What's there to discuss? It's a simple, straightforward plan," he said seriously. 

James rolled his eyes as well. "There's actually lots to discuss and you know you need Thomas vote to even be able to keep your job here so I suggest you go," he said seriously before turning around and leaving the office as he heard Alex huff.


End file.
